**Disclaimer** I apologize now if this entry is very Carrie Bradshaw-esque, but sometimes her style is just the only way for me to write. I think she has become my default setting. Yikes, now that is when you know you have watched too much Sex and the City!
Well I am writing this at 1:43 in the morning when I absolutely should be sleeping since I have to get up for work tomorrow, but I can't sleep with all these crazy thoughts jumping around in my head and I need to let them out. So anyways, here is the situation that has kept me tossing and turning tonight. I found out via facebook today that my ex lost his uncle in a tragic motorcycle accident this weekend, and I just felt unjustifiably sad. I mean, yes, I knew him, but not terribly well. I knew he was a wonderfully kind man with one of the most generous hearts of any person I had ever met. But, that was pretty much the extent of my knowledge, and yet I felt crushed when I heard the news. I was deeply sad for my old friend's loss, and even more so for his mother's loss as she had already lost a sibling and didn't deserve to suffer another loss, not that anyone ever deserves to suffer a tragedy like this. I told myself that there would be no tears, because this was not my loss. I could feel sad for this wonderful family, but that was as much emotion as I was going to allow myself to expend, because as Ms. Bradshaw says you are only allowed a certain number of tears on every man, and trust me my bank account on this one was already way overdrawn. But, apparently my tear ducts did not feel the same way and I just started to cry. And once it started it just wasn't stopping. I tried to convince myself that the tears were ok because I was crying for a life that ended too soon, but I knew deep down that I was crying for so much more. In reality I was crying for my lost relationship. And I don't mean the loss of a boyfriend, but a far greater relationship. The loss of the person who for three years was my rock, my support system, my everything. I cried for my lost friendship. For the fact that I was so far removed from his life that I had to even wonder if it was ok to send him a very short condolence email. I cried for the fact that I hardly knew him anymore. The boy who I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with was a total stranger to me. So I cried. I cried over a boy who I am completely over and have been over for some time now. Yet, there I was crying over him- something I hadn't done in a looooooong time. But I knew it had nothing to do with unresolved feelings for him, but for my own inability to keep the friend after losing the boyfriend- something I have never accomplished. Yes, I know that I have only had three opportunities in which to do so, but any statistician will tell you that anyway you slice it, a record of 0-3 just can't be spun into a good thing. It just seems like such a waste to throw away all the years of built up bonding and shared memories, but for me at least the cost of maintaining a friendship after a failed relationship is always just a little too expensive. And I just couldn't help but wonder... What pricetags are we willing to pay in a relationship?
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Breakthrough!
Hello lovely blog world! I have to apologize for my absence, as I have been neglecting my poor blog for a (gasp) new blog. I had been wanting to start a blog dedicated to fashion for quite some time and I have finally done it. Feel free to check it out if you have an interest in hearing my views on all things fashion! And I promise not to abandon my first blog love again! I haven't had anything particularly earth-shattering to write about lately anyways. But my month of September is packed with lovely trips so I should have plenty of entries to come. First up is a trek down to my favorite North Carolina town, ELON!! I already miss my swim loves so much so I am taking advantage of having Sunday off for Labor Day and heading down south for a much-needed reunion.
Today marked a major moment in my time here at USA Today. As previously mentioned, every Thursday we meet for the editorial board meeting and we discuss events, ideas or issues that we will be editorializing about in the near future and try to come to a consensus as to the opinion we should take. I absolutely love these meetings and typically find myself to engrossed in listening to all the brilliant exchanges at the table that I don't contribute to the discussion until it comes time to give our vote. But today, for the first time, I added my own two-sense for whatever it was worth. We had been debating the potential change in the way automobiles are graded regarding mileage numbers. Legislation was passed in 2007 that requires the EPA to create a new labeling system. The simplified system calls for giving cars letter grades of A through D. For example, an all electric car (such as the Volt or Leaf) would get an A+ while a fancy Italian sports car would fall to the bottom of the pile with a D. The writer briefed us on the issue and informed us that while he originally was opposed to the concept of a "nanny state making judgments about cars", he had changed his mind during research and was now in favor of this simple letter grade system. I admit, this wasn't even close to one of the most interesting/controversial issues we have discussed at our little ovalish table, but I still found myself with strong feelings against the letter system. It took me awhile to formulate my thoughts in my head enough to have confidence in my voice, but eventually I spoke up and argued that the letter system could have potentially dangerous effects on my generation- a generation that already has garnered a reputation of laziness. I think that if you take the average 20 something, who is a first time car buyer and has just left the school system where the concept of "the only thing that matters is the letter grade" has been drilled into their head for the past 18 years and show them car rankings with a big, bold government-generated letter grade in 72 point font at the top of the page and the information used to generate that grade in 14 point font at the bottom, the inevitable result will be that the young adult will choose a car with an A or B, regardless of whether they understand how that grade was given. Thus, we continue to allow my generation not to think for themselves and to rely on others to make their decisions. This system perpetuates pure laziness. Rather than empowering our generation, we are hindered from growth. Here is a concept, stop babying us and force us to grow up!! Don't give us the option of taking the easy way out, because apparently we will always take it.
Moving past my rant, I think I truly feel settled in here now. I am gaining confidence in my opinions and learning to venture out of the safety nest and share them with the table. Though my view was appreciated today, I know that this adventure means accepting the risk that my ideas won't always be valued or agreed with. But part of what this job is teaching me is that its ok! Everyday I watch great journalists who have been doing this for years get rejected and it is never the end of their world. They bounce right back in 2 minutes and propose another brilliant idea. I am learning that I just need to keep throwing legitimate ideas out there and eventually one will be caught and I will get a shot to run with it. So while my input in today's discussion certainly won't be changing any lives, the simple act of opening my mouth and letting my words go changed my entire day.
Today marked a major moment in my time here at USA Today. As previously mentioned, every Thursday we meet for the editorial board meeting and we discuss events, ideas or issues that we will be editorializing about in the near future and try to come to a consensus as to the opinion we should take. I absolutely love these meetings and typically find myself to engrossed in listening to all the brilliant exchanges at the table that I don't contribute to the discussion until it comes time to give our vote. But today, for the first time, I added my own two-sense for whatever it was worth. We had been debating the potential change in the way automobiles are graded regarding mileage numbers. Legislation was passed in 2007 that requires the EPA to create a new labeling system. The simplified system calls for giving cars letter grades of A through D. For example, an all electric car (such as the Volt or Leaf) would get an A+ while a fancy Italian sports car would fall to the bottom of the pile with a D. The writer briefed us on the issue and informed us that while he originally was opposed to the concept of a "nanny state making judgments about cars", he had changed his mind during research and was now in favor of this simple letter grade system. I admit, this wasn't even close to one of the most interesting/controversial issues we have discussed at our little ovalish table, but I still found myself with strong feelings against the letter system. It took me awhile to formulate my thoughts in my head enough to have confidence in my voice, but eventually I spoke up and argued that the letter system could have potentially dangerous effects on my generation- a generation that already has garnered a reputation of laziness. I think that if you take the average 20 something, who is a first time car buyer and has just left the school system where the concept of "the only thing that matters is the letter grade" has been drilled into their head for the past 18 years and show them car rankings with a big, bold government-generated letter grade in 72 point font at the top of the page and the information used to generate that grade in 14 point font at the bottom, the inevitable result will be that the young adult will choose a car with an A or B, regardless of whether they understand how that grade was given. Thus, we continue to allow my generation not to think for themselves and to rely on others to make their decisions. This system perpetuates pure laziness. Rather than empowering our generation, we are hindered from growth. Here is a concept, stop babying us and force us to grow up!! Don't give us the option of taking the easy way out, because apparently we will always take it.
Moving past my rant, I think I truly feel settled in here now. I am gaining confidence in my opinions and learning to venture out of the safety nest and share them with the table. Though my view was appreciated today, I know that this adventure means accepting the risk that my ideas won't always be valued or agreed with. But part of what this job is teaching me is that its ok! Everyday I watch great journalists who have been doing this for years get rejected and it is never the end of their world. They bounce right back in 2 minutes and propose another brilliant idea. I am learning that I just need to keep throwing legitimate ideas out there and eventually one will be caught and I will get a shot to run with it. So while my input in today's discussion certainly won't be changing any lives, the simple act of opening my mouth and letting my words go changed my entire day.
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