If we had the chance to do it all again... would we?

Relationships begin. Relationships end. So is life. Unfortunately, when a guy dumps you he isn't even polite enough to take with him all of the wonderful memories the two of you made together. He leaves those for you to painstakingly sift through at 2:02 in the morning when you can't sleep. How thoughtful. And the most annoying thing of all is that no matter how deep inside the box of "bad breakups" you stuff those little buggers, they manage to worm their way out.

It has been 9 months,and I am still sifting. The road ahead is poorly lit, while the one that I am still trying to navigate to the exit stays brightly illuminated. Never having been a fan of the dark I find myself at an impasse. And in the words of Carrie Bradshaw, I can't help but wonder if I had the chance, would I do it all over again? That is really the question that I grapple with on nights like this. If 3.5 years ago someone had whispered in my ear all of the breathtakingly wonderful moments I would spend with him, as well as shared with me the indescribable brokenness that would follow, would I have chosen the same road or quickly made a detour?

I know logically I am supposed to say yes of course I would make the same decision because everything happens for a reason, you learn something from every failed relationship, you have to figure out what you don't want to know what you do want etc. etc. I've heard all the worn out break up cliches that are intended to make you feel better, but in the end just make you feel average. In reality wouldn't it be better to just know right off the bat whether he is "THE one" or just the one for right now? Then we could cut out loses before investing any more emotions or time into bad stock.

I kind of want to watch The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind now. See what Jim Carrey has to say on the subject. I will try and decode this awful rambling tomorrow when I'm not so sleep deprived that the words swim around on the screen. Goodnight.