La Douleur Exquise

**Disclaimer** I apologize now if this entry is very Carrie Bradshaw-esque, but sometimes her style is just the only way for me to write. I think she has become my default setting. Yikes, now that is when you know you have watched too much Sex and the City!

Well I am writing this at 1:43 in the morning when I absolutely should be sleeping since I have to get up for work tomorrow, but I can't sleep with all these crazy thoughts jumping around in my head and I need to let them out. So anyways, here is the situation that has kept me tossing and turning tonight. I found out via facebook today that my ex lost his uncle in a tragic motorcycle accident this weekend, and I just felt unjustifiably sad. I mean, yes, I knew him, but not terribly well. I knew he was a wonderfully kind man with one of the most generous hearts of any person I had ever met. But, that was pretty much the extent of my knowledge, and yet I felt crushed when I heard the news. I was deeply sad for my old friend's loss, and even more so for his mother's loss as she had already lost a sibling and didn't deserve to suffer another loss, not that anyone ever deserves to suffer a tragedy like this. I told myself that there would be no tears, because this was not my loss. I could feel sad for this wonderful family, but that was as much emotion as I was going to allow myself to expend, because as Ms. Bradshaw says you are only allowed a certain number of tears on every man, and trust me my bank account on this one was already way overdrawn. But, apparently my tear ducts did not feel the same way and I just started to cry. And once it started it just wasn't stopping. I tried to convince myself that the tears were ok because I was crying for a life that ended too soon, but I knew deep down that I was crying for so much more. In reality I was crying for my lost relationship. And I don't mean the loss of a boyfriend, but a far greater relationship. The loss of the person who for three years was my rock, my support system, my everything. I cried for my lost friendship. For the fact that I was so far removed from his life that I had to even wonder if it was ok to send him a very short condolence email. I cried for the fact that I hardly knew him anymore. The boy who I had wanted to spend the rest of my life with was a total stranger to me. So I cried. I cried over a boy who I am completely over and have been over for some time now. Yet, there I was crying over him- something I hadn't done in a looooooong time. But I knew it had nothing to do with unresolved feelings for him, but for my own inability to keep the friend after losing the boyfriend- something I have never accomplished. Yes, I know that I have only had three opportunities in which to do so, but any statistician will tell you that anyway you slice it, a record of 0-3 just can't be spun into a good thing. It just seems like such a waste to throw away all the years of built up bonding and shared memories, but for me at least the cost of maintaining a friendship after a failed relationship is always just a little too expensive. And I just couldn't help but wonder... What pricetags are we willing to pay in a relationship?

Breakthrough!

Hello lovely blog world! I have to apologize for my absence, as I have been neglecting my poor blog for a (gasp) new blog. I had been wanting to start a blog dedicated to fashion for quite some time and I have finally done it. Feel free to check it out if you have an interest in hearing my views on all things fashion! And I promise not to abandon my first blog love again! I haven't had anything particularly earth-shattering to write about lately anyways. But my month of September is packed with lovely trips so I should have plenty of entries to come. First up is a trek down to my favorite North Carolina town, ELON!! I already miss my swim loves so much so I am taking advantage of having Sunday off for Labor Day and heading down south for a much-needed reunion.

Today marked a major moment in my time here at USA Today. As previously mentioned, every Thursday we meet for the editorial board meeting and we discuss events, ideas or issues that we will be editorializing about in the near future and try to come to a consensus as to the opinion we should take. I absolutely love these meetings and typically find myself to engrossed in listening to all the brilliant exchanges at the table that I don't contribute to the discussion until it comes time to give our vote. But today, for the first time, I added my own two-sense for whatever it was worth. We had been debating the potential change in the way automobiles are graded regarding mileage numbers. Legislation was passed in 2007 that requires the EPA to create a new labeling system. The simplified system calls for giving cars letter grades of A through D. For example, an all electric car (such as the Volt or Leaf) would get an A+ while a fancy Italian sports car would fall to the bottom of the pile with a D. The writer briefed us on the issue and informed us that while he originally was opposed to the concept of a "nanny state making judgments about cars", he had changed his mind during research and was now in favor of this simple letter grade system. I admit, this wasn't even close to one of the most interesting/controversial issues we have discussed at our little ovalish table, but I still found myself with strong feelings against the letter system. It took me awhile to formulate my thoughts in my head enough to have confidence in my voice, but eventually I spoke up and argued that the letter system could have potentially dangerous effects on my generation- a generation that already has garnered a reputation of laziness. I think that if you take the average 20 something, who is a first time car buyer and has just left the school system where the concept of "the only thing that matters is the letter grade" has been drilled into their head for the past 18 years and show them car rankings with a big, bold government-generated letter grade in 72 point font at the top of the page and the information used to generate that grade in 14 point font at the bottom, the inevitable result will be that the young adult will choose a car with an A or B, regardless of whether they understand how that grade was given. Thus, we continue to allow my generation not to think for themselves and to rely on others to make their decisions. This system perpetuates pure laziness. Rather than empowering our generation, we are hindered from growth. Here is a concept, stop babying us and force us to grow up!! Don't give us the option of taking the easy way out, because apparently we will always take it.

Moving past my rant, I think I truly feel settled in here now. I am gaining confidence in my opinions and learning to venture out of the safety nest and share them with the table. Though my view was appreciated today, I know that this adventure means accepting the risk that my ideas won't always be valued or agreed with. But part of what this job is teaching me is that its ok! Everyday I watch great journalists who have been doing this for years get rejected and it is never the end of their world. They bounce right back in 2 minutes and propose another brilliant idea. I am learning that I just need to keep throwing legitimate ideas out there and eventually one will be caught and I will get a shot to run with it. So while my input in today's discussion certainly won't be changing any lives, the simple act of opening my mouth and letting my words go changed my entire day.

Indulging in a little retail therapy

Ok, so it was more than a little. But I swear I only made essential purchases and the "therapy" was greatly needed! My little brother, who also happens to be my best friend, went back to school this weekend and moved into his very first apartment! I honestly miss him already, which is pretty pathetic, but trust me if you knew the kid you would totally understand. I am sure many siblings feel that their sibling is the best ever, but mine really is! Matthew is by far the funniest, most caring and all-around most wonderful person I know! He never fails to make me smile and laugh, particularly when he knows I need it the most, which he more than anyone else always can tell. There has never been a moment in my life when I needed him and he wasn't there. The two of us have always been freakishly close, and usually our only fights occur when one of us feels like we aren't spending enough time together. I can tell him anything and know that not only will he patiently listen to my complaints, but he will tell me what I need to hear most and not just what he thinks I want to hear. He has always wanted to be a part of my life, even when I made it difficult on my family. Luckily, his school is only two hours away and because we are so close, I know that I will visit often. But, it was still really hard to drive away from his apartment on Saturday, mostly because I had just been hit in the gut with the realization that my "baby brother" is all grown up. I have no idea when this happened, but when I look at my handsome 6'1" baseball-player brother I see a man. A man that makes me proud every single day to be able point to him and say "that's my brother". A man that has matured into the kind of person that is absolutely adored by his peers and seems to take on a position of leadership among his friends so naturally. A man who is a born mediator and has a remarkable ability to easily diffuse tense situations, particularly within our family of strong-willed personalities. A man whose athletic talents combined with a quiet humility are beyond words. And most importantly, a man who even at the tender age of 19 gives me no doubt about the fact that he will one day be an absolutely incredible husband and father to a very lucky family. I am extraordinarily blessed to call this young man my brother, and I thank God every day for giving me this blessing. There is not a single human-being on this planet that I love more than him. I truly hope that I show him this every day and I hope that I can make him just as proud as he continually makes me. Matthew, even though you will probably never read this I love you so much bud and I will miss you while you are at William and Mary. See you in a few weeks!!

Well, I had intended this post to be about fashion, so forgive me for getting so mushy! Though the shopping couldn't completely take my mind off my brother's newly empty room, it certainly helped! Our local mall was lucky enough to have the first ever Bloomingdale's outlet open on Friday and Mom and I decided this was an event we couldn't miss! We both found some great purchases, including her Eileen Fisher pants, my 7 For All Mankind skinny jeans, coach wristlet and gorgeous navy blue Elie Tahari boyfriend blazer (pictures to come later). My fall must-have list now has three lovely check marks! We both agreed that the store had an awesome selection and the prices were terrific! The shoe and handbag section had us both drooling! Yet, the best part of this day had nothing to do with our major fashion scores. My mom and I had an amazing day together and it was wonderful to get to spend this quality  time with her. We haven't had that much one-on-one time lately, and even though a friend of hers went with us, it still reminded me of our special mother-daughter shopping trips we would take every year before school. I always looked forward to those trips, and I am sure she thought it was just because she was buying me great new clothes (and of course who wouldn't love that!), but to me they always had a much larger significance. It was a day that I got to have my mom all to myself, and because of the fact that my mom was a working mother and my brother and I were raised by a nanny, that meant a lot! I have never for a minute begrudged the decision my mom made to pursue her career because I know it was the right decision for her and I am immensely proud of all that my incredible mother has accomplished in the workplace. She gave me a wonderful example of how to balance family and career and I greatly admire her for that. But, I definitely valued those days when I got to spend time with my mom and didn't have to share her with anyone else. My mom has always been one of my best friends, and I valued her opinion on everything in my life, whether it was about clothes, boys, academic decisions or friend dilemmas. Our yearly shopping trips were always a time when I could pick her brain about all of these aspects of my life! I hope I showed her my appreciation of her time back then, but since I was a typical teen, it is very likely that it appeared to her that I took her time and generosity for granted. Hopefully, when she reads this blog (since she is still my biggest fan) she will realize how much every one of those long-ago shopping trips meant to me, and why it had very little to do with what we brought home in our bags. Much love to Barbara Wainman- the greatest shopping buddy, confidante and mother any girl could have! <3

Reliving a childhood dream

Last Friday I got to do something that to me was one of the coolest things I have done for my career yet! For my first story for the Woodbridge Patch I wrote a recap of the local minor league baseball team's season, who is currently leading their league and expected to do very well in the playoffs. This involved lots of behind the scenes interviews of players and coaches, all of which took place in the locker room and dugout. Now, I understand that to many this doesn't seem like a very big deal, since it is only a minor league team. But for me, it was about so much more than just interviewing professional athletes and coaches for the first time. For me, it was about reliving a childhood dream. I probably should have mentioned that I have been attending games at this stadium basically since I could talk. My parents, being the baseball freaks that they are, have followed the team since they moved to the area, thus my brother and I have never known anything different than summers filled with nights at this glorious park. I have more memories there than possibly anywhere else in my entire childhood, and most of them are some of my absolute best memories. My entire family laughing and happy and bonding over our shared nutty passion for the game, my brother and I screaming at the top of our lungs in a desperate attempt to win the "pizza scream", thousands of pictures with the various mascots over the years, baseballs scrawled with unintelligible signatures of guys whose dreams hinged on moving on from this "low level" team as quickly as possible, etc, etc. I lived for the nights when my dad would come home and command my brother and I to grab our gloves and be ready to go to the park in five minutes. Who knew that pure childhood joy could be bought for $8? The point is that being in that locker room talking with players who reminded me of the guys that I had worshiped as a little girl, instantly took me back to the hundreds of nights I had sat in those seats calling to the players as they took practice swings, desperately hoping that they would turn around and give me a wave. Now, I had  been given the opportunity of having their undivided attention, even if it was only for 5 minutes. And I was so happy to see how down-to-earth these guys were. They didn't seem to have been corrupted by the world of professional athleticism just yet and were able to give a realistic analysis of their abilities and lives. I must admit that I have never felt less like a journalist in an interview before; instead I still felt like that little girl who was a die-hard fan. It took quite an effort to forgo my desire to ask for an autograph and remind myself that I was just doing my job, just as they were.

In the end I think the article turned out pretty good, and I will post the link once Patch goes live on Friday. In the meantime, check out some of the pictures from the games last weekend:

1B Tyler Moore, 23 from Brandon, Mississippi
Leading the Carolina League in HRs and RBIs

SS Jose Lozada makes the throw to first

Manager Gary Cathcart coaches third base, with Daniel Lyons at the plate

 

Francisco Soriano attempts to beat out a bunt that was eventually called foul.






Update: Patch officially went live on Friday!! Make sure to check it out for great local news coverage. And, as promised here is the link to my article about the Potomac Nationals!

Maximizing my interests

One of the biggest worries my dad had when I confidently told him that I was giving up my plan of being a lawyer to pursue my passion of writing was that I would forever struggle to make ends meet. Though I have only been in the field of journalism for two months, I can already see why he was a bit worried. Currently, I am still living at home, which has its advantages, but I have been searching for apartments in DC for about a month and a half now.While I have not found a place yet, I have already accepted that I am not going to be able to save nearly as much this year as I would have liked. A large percentage of my paycheck will be going to rent, food and other bills, leaving very little left for savings, let alone "fun money." The lesson I am learning from this is that I am going to need to get creative and "maximize my interests" if I want to be able to have that extra bit of wiggle room financially.

Luckily, journalists have quite a few options when it comes to making side incomes. I have chosen to pursue two of these paths: freelancing and photography. A few months ago a good friend of mine, Alison Fallecker, introduced me to a financial magazine called Brass that is dedicated to helping young adults better understand finances and is written entirely by young adults. I applied to begin freelancing for the company and had my first article published in the magazine a few days ago:  Conning The Con Men: Be a savvy consumer and avoid the scam It was a pretty great feeling when I received that first pay check. It was the first time that I really felt like a real writer! I have also agreed to freelance for a new local online publication called Patch, that is run by my childhood friend, Lauren Jost, and will be officially launching on August 20th. Check back for the site address in a couple weeks. My first two assignments for Patch could not be more perfect for me! I will be writing a story recapping our minor league baseball team's season! If you didn't know already, I am a major baseball nut and I have been going to games at this minor league stadium since I was old enough to talk. I am probably way more excited than I should be about interviewing the coaches and players of this team, but I accepted long ago that when it comes to baseball, I am a little nutty. My second story will be a recap of the summer swim seasons of our local teams. Again, perfection, considering I was a competitive swimmer my entire life and spent 13 summers swimming for my local team. The Westridge Waves.

As of late photography has become one of my favorite pastimes. While I am definitely a beginner and still have a lot to learn, I think my first attempts at photography have shown that I have somewhat of a talent. I am really hoping to take a class at George Mason so that I can start to study this new interest. I am also lucky to have several close friends who are wonderful photographers that I can learn from, including my best roomie and my cousin. I absolutely love looking at both their photos and learning from them by studying the kinds of moments they choose to capture. My best friend recently got married and was kind enough to let me practice photography by taking her engagement pictures. They are by no means fantastic, but she was pleased with how they turned out, and that was all I cared about. It was such a joy being able to contribute something to my best friend's big day! I am going to continue practicing and building my portfolio by offering to take free pictures of friends and families special moments and I can't wait to see how the journey unfolds!

Charles and Tashina Harris, engagement shots

Challenges of editorializing at a national newspaper

I mentioned yesterday that my favorite aspect of my job with USA Today is attending editorial board meetings. While I definitely look forward to those Thursday meetings, I am also blessed to be able to attend the daily writer meetings that occur every morning. We use these meetings to discuss what current news we think would make good editorial topics. All three of the writers take turns pitching story ideas and justifying why they think their idea would make a good editorial. I have been expected to contribute ideas since day one, which I admit was way scary in the beginning. I still feel nervous some mornings when I pitch an idea that I am unsure about, but I am learning a lot about what kinds of issues we tend to focus on. For example, we will almost always write about any major Capital Hill event. The majority of our editorials come from political news that occurs in the House, Senate or White House. As a national newspaper, we have a responsibility to our readers to be editorializing about issues that affect the nation, thus we try to stay away from local events even if they are considered major news by the larger papers in the area. For example, I read a great Post story the other idea about how the DC metro is having one of the most violent summers it has had in 20 years. There have been several large-scale fights that have scared away many non-rush hour riders. It is an issue that has received a lot of attention in the area papers, particularly the Washington Post and the Washington Times. Without really thinking about it I pitched the idea of writing an editorial about what has changed to increase metro violence and what measures need to be taken to curb it. However, I was quickly reminded that while our DC/VA/MD readers might find that editorial useful, readers outside of this area might not. It was a really good lesson about the challenges that editorial writers for a national newspaper face every day. Papers such as The Washington Post and The New York Times have the luxury of having a nation-wide readership, but still being based in a local area. Thus, they can editorialize about issues that happen in the DC/NY area as well as the events that are affecting the nation. We, on the other hand, can really only write about local events if they can be tied into a larger issue that the majority of our readers can relate to. Definitely something interesting to think about as I consider where I want to go after this fellowship.

On a side note, my editor told me yesterday that he will be taking me out to lunch next week to discuss getting me writing for the paper! It was excellent news! He even said he mentioned my name and sent my portfolio to the Life section (my favorite) editor and said we can discuss how I can start writing for that department as well. I can't wait to have this lunch! I certainly love my job as it is now, but I am thrilled about the idea of getting back to writing. I remember how exciting it was the first time I had a byline in The Pendulum, so I can only imagine how it will feel to see my name in a major newspaper!

Life in the big girl world

So I am about two months into my job and I am still loving every minute of it! It will get to be 6 pm and I am honestly thinking, but I'm not ready to go yet! I feel so lucky to be in this office, getting to learn from some writers who I really admire and who can teach me so much. One of the things that I look forward to every week is the editorial board meeting. Every Thursday the entire opinions page staff meets and we discuss issues that will be upcoming editorials. The writer presents a brief description of the issue and highlights the main facts in case anyone is unfamiliar with the details, which never really happens because everyone here is brilliant and completely informed at all times. Then we debate what stance we think the paper should take on the issue. Of course we have to consider our past opinions if it is an issue that we have editorialized about before, because we very rarely change our stance on issues. We take into account new major developments of course, but we try to remain consistent. These meetings are definitely the best part of the week because ten intelligent minds (plus me) are sitting around exchanging ideas and forcing one another to look at an issue from a point of view we may never have considered. Many times I have gone into the meeting feeling quite confident that my view was right and I leave the meeting feeling exactly the opposite because one of my colleagues introduced me to a new concept that totally opened my eyes and made me see things entirely different. I love it! I love everything about this industry and being here. I don't know if my college roommate will ever know how much she affected my life, but I cannot thank her enough for asking me to write that first article and getting me hooked for life! Thanks Ash!!

Trip to London January 2007- one of our first memories together!

Graduation Day May 2010- Our latest memory together, with many more to come!