I have just discovered this song called "More Time" by Needtobreathe and it is absolutely perfect for what I feel right now. I graduate in less than a month and I am really starting to freak out. I have major butterflies in my stomach all the time now. A lot of my friends at other schools have finished finals and graduate in a few days and they are all so excited. I don't feel that way in the least. Am I excited to be done with schoolwork? Of course! But am I anywhere near ready to leave the amazing friends I have made this year? NO! I never thought I would be sad when this time got here. I thought I would be ready and excited to start that next phase of my life. Granted, I did think that the next phase would start with my wedding and since we all know those plans changed, I guess that could have something to do with why I'm not as excited. I just can't even imagine trying to say goodbye to the people who have made my senior year indescribable. I just start crying thinking about it. We had our last swim meet on Sunday and I literally had to go to the locker room so that my team wouldn't see me cry. I think a big part of the reason I feel this way is because I feel like I missed out on the first two years of college. I don't regret it at all because at the time I was deliriously happy and in love, but a part of me does wish I could add on an extra two years now that I am experiencing a new kind of love. Most of my friends here are freshmen or sophomores and they are just starting this amazing journey and I want to continue it with them. I know I will be down to visit, but I also know it won't be the same at all. I will be an adult in the real world. I need to be responsible and accept that. I had my four years of fun and I chose to make them what I made them. I need to focus on the amazing times I have had this year and not focus on what I didn't have. I intend to make every last moment at this wonderful place count, so that I will always remember my senior year as one of the best years of my life. It already has been the best year and I am so thankful for that, and for all the people who made it that way. And I still have a few weeks to make even more memories that will help me when I have moments of sadness after May 22nd. So I'm off to continue living my awesome life and I'm sure there will be many more contemplative posts to come. :)
